I try not to knit much during January and February because in my house, it is tax season. And although I am not an accountant, we have a small business that is both complicated enough, and not-so-small, that it takes me 2 months to prepare so our accountant can then prepare. I'm not a fan of paying the government thousands of dollars, so the topic of taxes makes me knit a little tighter! My nice, even gauge constricts in unison with my blood vessels at the mere mention of paying MORE money in April after we've paid 4 other times throughout the year, PLUS what I've had withheld from my weekly checks. Couple this with the "Stimulus Package" and "Bailouts" and I've got myself a piece of knitted fabric that is so stiff and dense that it is now impenetrable.
I have two resolutions for the new year. The first, and already broken, was to use stash yarn instead of buying new. (HA! Never a possibility.) The second is to embrace my weakness and figure out a way to make them work for me. My tax related high blood pressure and tight gauge condition (AKA Vasogaugo Hyperknitus) can be put to good use. I'm knitting a straight jacket at a blindingly small gauge, that can be worn to prevent law makers and fat-cat executives from doing anything. On my design board are plans for a chastity belt. Forget the governments upcoming Contraceptive Plan - you can't make someone take a pill or practice safe sex, but a liquid-proof chastity belt ain't coming off!
As we proceed into March, our tax stuff moves from my desk to the accountant's. My even-gauge projects come out and my Vasogaugo Hyperknitus is under control. I hope to get several projects done, before the dreaded "How much you owe" phone call comes in and I forced to go back up to a size 15 needle just to get 4 stitches to the inch.
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